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Mothers Did Not Play With Their Children For 99% of Human History

Why the absence of autonomous, multi-age playgroups makes parenting suck. (This is a reshare of Elena Bridgers’ article).

Sámi mommy breastfeeding toddler in Tromsdalen, Tromsø, Arctic Sápmi, while smoking some tobacco.

“Fasten your seatbelts, ladies and (two or three) gentlemen, because we are about to dive into the my absolute favorite topic of all time: the importance of multi-age playgroups in hunter-gatherer societies. Honestly, I get more excited about this stuff than a dog whose owner just said the word “walk.” Back when I first started reading about motherhood in hunter-gatherer societies there were two things that made me go, “ohhhhhhhh, now I get it.” One is the longer interbirth intervals that probably characterized most of human history (as I wrote about here) and the other is the critical important of multi-age playgroups as a source of substitute childcare for mothers. It was a total epiphany for me, and I suspect you may have the same reaction, because once you see how this used to work, how human childhood evolved to work, it just makes so much sense. Over millions of years, we basically evolved a perfect system involving care of children by children, in a way that was wholly compatible with their own need for play, and that we have entirely abandoned in the modern context, to the detriment of all.

But in order for you to understand why this still matters for mothers in the modern context, I need to tell you my own story about just how much I hate playing with my children (even though I love them deeply) and how misguided I was about the role of a “good mom” and what she owes her kids…

I’d rather stick a fork in my eyeball than play pirates.

Only after I had begun doing deep research on hunter-gatherer societies did I realize that this is exactly how things were supposed to work. Children are supposed to play with other children. It was never meant to be the mother’s job. But trapped as we are in single-family homes where playmates can be hard to come by, parents often end up filling this tedious and time-consuming role…[..]”

Read the full article here.

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The Sacred Bear in Sámi mythology

The Sacred Bear and “the Origin of the Sámi People”

In Sámi mythology, the bear is a divine ancestor, not just an animal.

One myth tells of a heavenly bear who descended to earth and married a human woman. Their children became the first Sámi people.

Because of this, bears were/are honored as ancestor spirits, and when a bear was killed (very rare and ritualised), its bones were carefully placed in a tree to allow its soul to return to the sky.

A ceremony called the Bear Feast included songs, dances, and apologizing to the bear spirit for the killing, inviting it to be reborn.

The Bear Who Fell From the Stars:

A Sámi Creation Song of the First Bear

In the hush before dawn, where no footprints fall,
Where the wind hums secrets to the pine,
A star broke loose from the roof of night
And tumbled down through time.

He fell with a roar through clouds of gold,
Bathed in *Beaivi’s light.
He landed not dead, but dreaming still
In the heart of the forest’s white.

The reindeer bowed their crowned heads low,
The lynx stood still in her track.
For this was the First of Bears,
The Sky-Child, fallen back.

He walked like thunder on ancient snow,
His breath, a wind of flame.
Yet gentle were his dreaming eyes,
And wise, and without shame.

A woman came from a northern vale,
A weaver of skins and song.
She found him sleeping in a ring of birch
And stayed with him all night long.

They spoke without words by fire and frost,
By the rhythm of blood and bone.
She taught him the names of the winds and streams;
He gave her dreams of home.

And so their children, wild and wise,
Were neither beast nor man.
They sang to trees, they hunted clean,
They walked where few else can.

But then the bear, when spring had sung,
Felt longing rise like steam:
His fur grew light, his eyes grew wide
He vanished into dream.

And so today, when the bear is seen,
The Sámi bow and sing
“Child of stars, our ancient kin,
Return again in spring.”

If ever a bear is taken in hunt,
The people weep and pray.
They dress his skull in flowers and moss
And lift his bones away.

*Beaivi is the Sun (as a deity)

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Way of Life | Art print

This is the landscape nomadic peoples of the Arctic have travelled for decades and generations. Moving their herds and homes and children safely tucked onto sleds, across the tundra. This is still the case in some areas. If you’ve witnessed the ever-changing play of colours and atmosphere during the Arctic winter and Polar night, it looks something like this; pastel skies, crisp clear air, moon in daytime and the sun hiding behind the horizon, blessing us with a few rays here and there before leaving for a few months. I am in awe at how my ancestors have survived and even thrived here for so long; I feel moved to my core by their know-how of the elements, seasons and animals. “Way of Life” art print, 2400 NOK 🩵💜🤍🧡 89 x 46,5 cm including white edges. The prints have the title written on the white part in front, and signature on the back.

Can be shipped anywhere 🙏🏼

Shown on dark wall 🖤
Shown on light wall 🤍
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I will keep you safe and warm 2.0 / Art for sale

Art card with envolope ✉️ 17 x 12 cm including white edges. 75 NOK (norwegian kroner) Can be shipped anywhere 🤍🌍

The prints are made from a painting I did back in 2021 when I first became a mother. Afterwards, I slightly edited it digitally, and thought it looked wonderful as printed art cards 😊 I have 3 cards available currently.

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Hjemmeundervisning?

Noen gode åpenbare grunner jeg kom på til å kanskje velge hjemmeskole.

Alle foreldre vil jo det beste for sine barn. I det siste har vi tenkt mer og mer på å hjemmeundervise våre. Enn så lenge er de jo begge under 5 år, så vi har ennå litt tid på å ta avgjørelsen, men det er per nå hva som føles mest rett. Personlig kjenner jeg ennå på ettereffektene av 13 års skolegang (10 år grunnskole og 3 år videregående) og den skolevegringen som fargela alle de årene. Jeg er altså 33 år, men tenker fortsatt på det. Men ingenting er jo svart/hvitt; man kan for eksempel velge å hjemmeundervise de første årene, og så begynne på skolen ved et senere tidspunkt, for eksempel rundt tiårsalderen.

Er det noen av dere som leser dette innlegget som har noen erfaringer å dele på dette området?😊

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To all the lonely Mothers out there

Humans are herd animals, we’re mammals. We are literally made to raise children in the company and with the support of other women.

This is something we have lost as a modern society.

I would go as far as to say that we have a pandemic of lonely Mothers. Home alone most of the time with their babies, doing their best, often without much mental, emotional or physical support or stimuli from other mums. It’s not natural. And it’s not healthy for the baby; having their start in life defined by this kind of isolation.

It’s not long ago in our human history that women and mums were much closer, and could rely on each other more. I often wish I could turn back time, and experience that closeness, that kind of Motherhood.

In rare small (indigenous) communities around the world, this is still the case, and used to be like that here too (in Troms and Finnmark).

Loneliness sucks a lot of the joy out of Motherhood. It sits like a gray veil over us and makes us even more isolated. Not to mention the shame and guilt many mums feel for even feeling lonely, bacause we have our babies, so we should feel more than content.

But the truth is that women need women. Mums need mums. Only other mums can truly understand the ordeal of birthing and raising children.

So, if you feel lonely in Motherhood, like me, please do not blame yourself, the fault is not with you. It is that we as a modern society have separated ourself too much and we don’t see the importance and value of a supported mum. It’s kind of obvious though; a healthy happy mum = healthy happy start of life for baby, and thus for the all humans and society at large. It all starts with mum.

A painting I did some years ago. “I will keep you safe and warm”.
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Sámi wives’ silver ring

My Traditional Sámi wives’ silver ring 😍💍🥂 It was a gift alongside actual wedding rings. Got married to my best friend and partner in September. Very small short wedding, no guests, just our kids and two witnesses. It was perfect:)

(Made in Kautokeino, Northern Sápmi)

Gold wedding ring inscribed with my now husbands dharma name inside, and he has mine. Never owned anything made from gold before 😄 Always wanted an inscribed gold ring ever since I saw LOTR as a child😜
My bouquet was something I put together from dried flowers and the band around it was same colour as my wedding dress; actually I cut the band (belt) from the dress itself because it was too long.
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Surrendering to an unseen force

“Pregnancy is a process that invites you to surrender to the unseen force behind all life.” 💚🧡🤍🩵 Photos taken by Gunhild Berg Johansen, I was ca 6 months pregnant here.

I highly recommend this very helpful and insightful podcast episode on breaking the fear-tension-pain cycle that most women go into when in labour, myself included. I am very close to giving birth to our second child, and feeling all the emotions that comes naturally leading up to that. This podcast episode really helped me, along with a hypnobirthing course I’ve been doing lately.

– Monica Amrita Mani